Cancer punched my charmed life in the face.

Let's talk about something really fast... in seminary they always ask that question, "think of one of the hardest trials you've ever been through"... and I would freeze. I promise you I am not saying this to sound snooty or like my life is perfect, but I never had an answer.  I did have a bout with some monster anxiety when I was in elementary school, (which has actually helped me to cope with this a lot) but other than that, I have had no major hardships. it's always just small stuff, ya know? I always felt stupid when that question was asked, because I felt stuck-up having no answer. My life is FAR from perfect, I don't want anyone to think that I'm saying that. I just never went through anything "talk-to-your-seminary-teacher-for-advice" worthy.

I have had a charmed life. a ridiculous, wonderful, oblivious charmed life.

So finding out that my mom has breast cancer, that was a huge slap in the face. actually more like a punch. most of the anxiety I had when I was younger was centered on two things: bad weather, and separation anxiety from said mother. Ironic, isn't it? but at the same time, not. See, I love thunderstorms now, and... my mom has cancer.

Folks, let's be honest. Cancer is hard, and it sucks, and it teaches you, and it opens your eyes, and it tears you down, and it teaches you to hope, and it brings you closer to God. Cancer does a lot more than kill. but mostly it sucks. that's the main point. it sucks.

In just a few weeks, I have done a lot of livin' and learnin'. Yesterday made it to the top 5 hardest days of my life, (right alongside the day my mom went in for that mammogram and didn't return for 4 hours and I knew the reason) But luckily I live in the right neighborhood, I have the right work situation, I live the right religion, and I have good relationships with my siblings, dad, and my Heavenly Father.

I started this blog post by typing out how I had too many thoughts and not enough sentences formed, and I'd get back to you another time. but I think I got everything out that I wanted to say.

Every little smile, every understanding parent that comes to the doctors office, every speedy Panda Express worker, every bite of food dropped off and flowers left, every well-wish and prayer and good vibe. All of it makes me get choked up these days!
I'll keep saying it a million times, thank you all.

PS. I saw that someone linked this quote to breast cancer awareness on Pinterest and I thought, HOW BRILLIANT IS THAT?! so I made one of my own. too perfect, really.
(also, not really done. but I'm postin' it anyways)


  1. Oh Holly. Life really does suck sometimes, doesn't it? We really have missed your face around here and this week.

  2. Holly you are already growing so much from this hard time, that i know when you are looking back it will be one of the pivitol experiences of your life because of the way you are looking at it with gratitude and faith. The pearls of our life are not born without pain. Loves and hugs.
    Aunt Liz