For my future self to read when I'm bluuuuue

Well this is for sure a record. It's been like 3 weeks! maybe I'm over blogging. or maybe I have nothing to write about cause my life is just like, family, work, and being horrible at art so maybe one day I can be good. eh?

I'm reminded daily of how much Heavenly Father loves me, because of how perfectly everything in my life is falling into place. I mean, yeah, the cancer mom thing is just foolish, but there are other things to be happy about.

I've learned that that cliche, make your own happiness and all that jazz, WILL WORK IF YOU LET IT. like, you know, that overused but great, "Happiness can be found in the darkest of times if only one remembers to turn on the light"... well with a family member going through chemo, you don't have a choice in the matter. you better walk your butt over to that light switch and turn on the damn light, cause sitting around crying won't do a bit of good. I mean, you can cry sometimes. you SHOULD cry, cause it's a dumb idea to bottle it up. but you also just gotta think positive, even if things suck.

I know we probably haven't even gotten to the sucky part yet, but I have a good feeling we are going to make it through juuuust fine. let's talk about another sentence of wisdom, "Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy", that Anne Frank knows her stuff. Things get bad, and shady, and miserable, but it will not always be that way. there is a blue sky outside, and blossoms on the trees, and PINTEREST AND MOVIES AND PARKS AND REC. so cry, be sad, be miserable, then pray, and look out your window. (even if the sky isn't blue, even if it's raining, cause rain is the best)

just make your own happiness, man. just step outside of the problem for a sec and enjoy the good that life has to offer. cause there is good.

I'm sorry this is just a jumble of cliche words that you're probably sick of hearing.

actually I'm not sorry. so there!

Happy conference weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


home > hospital

WEEEELLLLLL here's the thing peeps, chemo coming from a daughter-at-home point-of-view (that was a lot of ----'s

Being a sick lady sucks, ya know? it does. but so far, it does not suck NEARLY as bad as how emotionally and physically ill she was in the hospital. the thing about that hospital is, we had noooo idea when we would see her wheeling out of there. it was really discouraging for everyone, and we got annoyingly used to the phrase "one day at a time". and the question, "how is her pee today?"
    But with chemo, we KNOW she will only be miserable for a few days, and it is in the comfort of our own home. I'm a huuuuuuuuge (that's 8 u's) believer in your emotional and mental health contributing in a large way to your physical health. the sun is shining, she is home with the coolest people in her life, the sun is shining, she is home.... you get it. HOME>>>> HOSPITAL.

to answer your unspoken but surely thought-of questions, she is doing pretty good. we have been told that the 3rd, 4th, and/or 5th days are the worst. we are on day 3, and she's just having some unpleasant stomach cramps, and you know, all-around ooginess, but thankfully her nausea is under control.

I mean, I've never seen an actual real-live chemo patient going through the hell that it is, I'm just going off Kristina Braverman. (which was horrifying)... I know things might get worse the more treatments she has, but there is absolutely positively no use in thinking about that right now. we are still taking this one day at a time! that's 3 weeks away, man!!

as always, thank you one and ALL. for the kind words you have given us and the prayers said for mama jo. if you drive passed my house, you will see that we really mean, THANK YOU.

much love!


Life according to google

Hello all! Tonight I have decided to copycat the lovely Maddie, of With All Our Hearts. She is a GEM, and this idea is too. (but really go read her blog, cause she is kind of incredible PLUS really funny and just delightful.)

My google search history in the passed month-ish, BEHOLD:

Emily Blunt baby
T Rex video
Baby t rex
Whale shark
Great white shark
Nurse shark 
What is creatinine?
Snail fish
Thorny devil
Frilled lizard
Sperm whale
Giant squids
Bowhead whale
Blue ringed octopus
Mockingjay spoilers
Las Vegas shows
Mary Blair art
The British Pantry

Explanation of animals: Miles
You can use your imagination on the rest


Learning curves and owl-like sleep habits

Apparently my body decided to become nocturnal for the night. what? it is 3:15 and I am only a little bit tired. the smart thing to do would be to just, you know, go to bed, where I would probably fall right to sleep. but I don't know...

Last night I was getting frustrated with my right brain. I think I worked it too hard yesterday, ha. I got real (cheap, but real) watercolors, you know, the ones in tubes! I've been experimenting a lot, and I think yesterday I wasted one too many papers with awful colorful doodles that I could not get to look how I wanted. I am also working on some T shirt designs for Agnes and Dora, and just like it takes time to get used to watercolors, it also takes time to get used to a different style than I'm used to. but hey, ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

Today I decided to just take a break from it all. I barely touched my desk all day. I got up, played with Ivy, went to the Riverwoods with the Navasards, came home, and went to a little Chemo class with my mom and dad (THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT. I feel so much less anxiety when I have facts and answers, don't you?) When I got home, I invited myself to sushi with my sister and her friends (I found one that I liked! holler!) and thennnn... I went and got Katie and we went to try out The Chocolate Mousse, in Provo. it's pie. I wanted pie. oh THEN we felt like fries, so we went to Guru's and downed a plate of sweet potatoes. hahahaha.

MORAL OF THE STORY: I have been off the computer, off the paints, all day. and I think that's why when I sat down at my computer at 11:30, I didn't get up for a couple hours. All of my frustrations with my art were whisked away by simply taking a break, and I was able to submit three T-shirt designs, and paint up something that feels like my style, heading in the direction I want.

I guess I'll just be an owl for tonight.
no, never mind. I think I'll go to bed.

but before that, look at my cute best good friend and my current favorite animal.  (babies only)
they're both real cute.
FOUR MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!


Fancy a Scone?

So I've made a decision. I'll keep updating on my life situation and such, but I'm going to try more and more to keep this blog normal. it's usual bizarre self, you know?

As of late, my obsessions have been centered around the English life. you know, like the England kind of English. The style, the food, the movies. just. all of it. I live through Pinterest and Notting Hill. Also I've watched Austenland about 6 times this week, not even sorry. it's fine! MOVING ON.

My mom made these "English scones" a whiiiile back, and I find myself craving them like, all the time. so I decided to just make them myself. and it was fun, I tell you! it sounded/looked intimidating, but nay! it was easy as pie. but better than pie.

Heeere is the recipe! (I have no clue what the source is... it's probably from you, huh Debbie?)

You will need:
> 2 C flour
> 1/4 C white sugar
> 1 1/4 tsp baking powder
> 1/4 tsp baking soda
> 1/4 tsp salt
> 1/2 C (1 stick) unsalted butter, cold & cut into pieces
> 1/2 C milk or semi sweet chocolate chips or chunks (don't put in more--- trust me on this)
> 1 tsp pure vanilla extract
> 2/3 cup buttermilk   (a reason I love this recipe is because the only unusual thing is buttermilk!)

Egg wash
> 1 large egg
> 1 Tbs milk

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees
2. In large bowl, whisk together flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda and salt.
3. Cut the butter into small pieces and blend into flour mixture with hand mixer or two knives--- the mixture should look like course crumbs (don't worry, it'll come together fine)
4. Stir in chocolate chips
5. In a measuring cup (or small bowl) whisk together buttermilk & vanilla extract, add to flour mixture.
   >Mix that just until dough comes together (add more buttermilk if necessary) do not over mix!
6. Transfer dough to lightly floured surface, knead dough gently 4 or 5 times, then pat dough into a circle (or oval, whatever you fancy) that is about 7 inches round and 1.5 inches thick.
    Cut that in half, then cut each half into pie-shaped wedges (I just eyeballed mine into wonky-looking pieces, still delicious)
7. place one baking sheet on top of another, and place parchment paper (or just spray) on the top one. this will prevent the bottoms from burning! boom! Place the scones on that.

>>>EGG WASH: mix together egg and milk, brush the tops of the scones with that.
                  I strongly advise you to sprinkle cinnamon sugar, or just sugar on the tops! I just like plain sugar--- course sugar would be the actual best. whatever you feel like, man!

Bake for about 15-20 minutes or until golden brown. do the toothpick trick.

Remove scones & turn broiler on high, sift powdered sugar on scones, place back in the oven for just a few seconds until sugar has melted and turns golden brown.  Be REALLY careful or it will burn.
this part is optional/ I forgot to do it and they are still reeeeeeal delightful. 

Have fun with this, and it's REALLY OK TO EAT THEM ALL!


Internship Ramblings

Once upon a time, I don't even remember what I used to blog about before this whole cancer situation! I'll need to think of some good material. for now, I want to tell you about my internship.

I could not be any happier with where I am doing my internship, folks. I am incredibly blessed to be where I am, with the people I'm with! I work with two different docs, Dr. B and Dr. W. one on Tuesday, one on Thursday. I work alongside two different nurses, too. (mama) April and Vicki.
I really love this whole set-up, because the two doctors are sooo different, and so are the nurses. when I say different, I mean to say that they have different styles of doing just about everything. (and different personalities, although they're all GREAT) This means I get to learn a range of ways to do various things around the office, and kinda just feel out whatever is comfortable for ME. ya know?

I'm learning a lot, and it's so nice to not dread the week ahead of me. I never dread going to work, and you guys! It's even unpaid!! ha. It helps so much that I am told on the DAILY how appreciated I am, and most everyone there has endless patience with the little ol' noob here. And not to sound dumb, but it also helps that the people I work closely with know the situation with my mom, so they're always asking how she's doing and how I'm doing. It's so great to have that support in a different place.

It's SO TRUE what they say, that you'll learn ten times more in the office than in school. Sure, pass-offs helped with getting a feel for things, but boy did they not stick! I love learning when I go.
I did my first shot yesterday, on a wee little baby that didn't even cry that much!

ok I'M DONE RAMBLING NOW. now like I say to everyone, if you go to Cherry Tree, make sure you go on a Tuesday or Thursday so I can see your pretty face ;) (and be really good at not telling anyone, not even my mom, that I saw you cause confidentiality and what not. good on me)

That's all for now! I'm gonna try and come back and tell you what crafty shenanigans I've been up to lately.


patience and timing

I missed my mom. I am 20 AND A HALF years old, and while my mom was in the hospital, 10 minutes away, I missed her. I believe whole-heartedly that you would too. (miss my mom)

She's home now, after 17 miserable and soul-sucking days in the hospital. I just spent half hour laying on her bed, talking to her about all sorts of things. it felt so good, man. it feels good to have my mom back. she is so much more herself at home than she ever was even in her best hospital moments. (few and far between)

I try to think of things in the long-run. I know for a fact that this dang stupid hospital stay was a test, and a warm-up. it was to be like, "ok, you got this, now you should be able to handle the rest". cause really, I know chemo is also soul-sucking and horrible, but so is renal failure/pneumonia/morphine headaches. (in fact, I don't think anything can be worse than that morphine headache, seriously)

I have learned a huge lesson on patience. I was getting kinda frustrated and confused, because I would pray, and she wouldn't get better, and I'd pray some more, and she would get better then something else would happen, and repeat. and I was like, whaaaat is happening? how does this all work out? but then somewhere along the line, I was like, OH DUH. patience. this is teaching us all patience. Faith and patience are needed to have your prayers answered. God's timing is perfect, and you just have to learn to trust that. it's hard, it might keep being hard. he won't always answer prayers right away, or in the way you expect, but they will be answered. they were. she came home. and she is happy.

his timing is perfect, down to every green light on state street.

thank you all, a million times thank you, for everything you do and have done and will do.